Kill me now before its too late!
by strimmer
Summary: Legolas: "This is the wonderful world of my own... humph, yeah right, whatever gave you that idea?" Legolas' insight to hi world and philosophy of his life. OOC, Leggy's POV. R/R.


A/N: Never in my life have I written anything so cocky and sarcastic... but I like it. I would also like to know what you guys think so R/R. Legolas' POV. Yes this is OOC.  
  
Disclaimers: I'm pretty sure JRR Tolkien would be turning in his grave at this moment. So I take the chance now to say sorry for butchering your characters.  
  
Kill me now before its too late!  
  
  
  
Living in the oh-so wonderful world of my own... humph yeah right! whatever gave you that idea?  
  
Well let me put you into my world, for one thing... it stinks! To get things going I shall start with this... as an example...  
  
""Gimli: Oh I do like to be beside the seaside! Oh, I do like to be beside the sea, La na na na na na a na la na na na. Blah, blah... Sea!  
  
Aragorn: SHUT UP!!  
  
Gimli: Oh, I do... what's up boyos?  
  
Legolas: One thing, well several things actually. Numero uno... have you actually been anywhere near the sea? Numero duo... don't you know the rest of the words? And numero tres... o, your singing is crap, frankly.  
  
Aragorn: Your forgetting numero fouro, you have been singing the same song for well over an hour now, and your accent is really bugging me!""  
  
Yep I have to deal with that 24/7. You would be surprised at how loudly a dwarf grunts in his sleep. Well I suppose not that surprised... but surprised. And yes, he has never, and I mean never been by the ruddy coast in his sad, little pathetic life.  
  
But then there's Ranger boy, Mr I know everything, Mr do as I say and hunt some ork, Mr I'm going to be f***ing King one day so bow down... He's a really nice guy. I'm being honest... no really.  
  
So my whole life now revolves round that one, stupid, pathetic down right tacky "ring of power" Ooooh... feel the power. I know what I'd do with it if I had it... I would either use it to spy on people or I'd eat it and let the "dark lord" kill me, and save me of my misery. I would go down in history... 'Now son, this is the tale of prince Legolas and the swallowing of the one ring'... pathetic really.  
  
As you may have guessed my enthusiasm for life has somewhat... lessened. Well yours would too if you had lived for well over 2000 years. I'm sooo old I've lost count. The parties ain't like they used to be, I'm telling you! And get this... I am considered young. Yeah young. Stupid "Elders" what do they know?  
  
Well thinking about it... a lot, but that is beside the point. They're just ancient. In my old age you may think I have become bitter and twisted, but I can prove that I have not. As I have always been this sarcastic, well nearly always.  
  
Well here's the run down on what has made me this way...  
  
10) I swear I was adopted. I look nothing like my family! 9) Having to run about in... leggings. *Shudder* 8) My good looks... it's a curse you know. 7) The creepy way Boromir looked at me, I mean he so wanted me. 6) The thought of the mank under the toes of a Hobbit's foot. is just sickening! 5) The Fellowship really pissed me off; you don't know how many times I tried to loose them! 4) Got labelled as "GAY" in my adolescence, and its kind of stuck. 3) Looking like a girl does have its downsides. 2) Being sexually deprived, for like sooo long. I mean it's been like four months now! Even Ranger boy is starting to look appealing! 1) I will never be King.  
  
Yep, it all boils down to the fact that I, Legolas Greenleaf, will never be King. Unless I kill my father and all my brothers. Yes it is an option, but how suspect would that look if the whole family ended up dead and the lonely, forgotten, pathetic youngest son was left. Yes I'm last in the line... the youngest, the one which gets all the hand me downs. So no one really cares if I die or get lost or anything. Because I'm just a 'himbo,' in a line of mighty Elves.  
  
Well getting back to the present. We are "Hunting some ork" as my dear friend Ranger boy put it. So my day has been filled with... lets see, running, running, running and oh yes running. Mustn't forget... stopping every now and then to let Ranger boy pose and put his ear to the ground. I mean if only he knew how gay he looked.  
  
The one good thing about running, is that the faster you go, the slower Gimli goes... the slower Gimli goes the further behind he gets... the further behind he gets the less you hear him... the less you hear him, the happier you become.  
  
I should of let him fall in the Mines of Moria. Must leave a mental note to myself... DON'T GO GRABBING DWARFS BEARDS, NO MATTER HOW MUCH YOU FEEL ABLIGED TO OR HOW MUCH PAIN YOU GAVE THE DWARF IN QUESTION, IN THE END YOU ARE STILL STUCK WITH THE SAME PROBLEM... GIMLI.  
  
Well then, right now, and I mean RIGHT now I am sitting on a really hard rock. Looking out to the sky asking the Gods what I have done wrong to deserve this. To deserve to be left alone with a grunting Dwarf, with a really bad accent and Ranger boy. Need I say more? Well okay then I will. The down right bossy Ranger boy.  
  
But then I realise that it's all because I'm Gods gift to women... and men, for that matter. And the Gods have to make me pay for being that gift.  
  
To be continued... 


End file.
